Mundane Reality v.s. Otherkin Reality

What is reality? I mean I have known things to be real when others say
that I am wrong. Is this world real? I guess so 'cause I am experiencing it.
But when I dream I go somewhere, far from here; to another world...
Now what's the difference? Isn't reality what you can see and touch?
Not necessarily, or so say the close-minded. Dreams, they say, are
only clips of images from memories scrambled together
to form a movie show that just pass through.
So then if I can see things in my dreams it's from my memory?
How then can I be 'remembering' a world with purple skies,
warm,silky black sand, and dragoncats flying above the cliffs
when there is no place like that on Earth??!
"From a movie of course" I hear....what movie??
Anyone ever heard of a movie like that?? Besides, it felt soo real,
so warm, so natural.
Let's go back to the 'clips of images from memories' part.
Ok, so this place doesn't exist on Earth, and to my knowledge, no body
has 'created' a world like that...
Then it must be a memory from another world!!!
But, oh wait, scientists haven't discovered intelligent life on other
planets....yet.
So, what to believe? When I first started questioning myself and wondering
if I was crazy I -thankfully- decided that only I could probably help
myself figure it out -after all, I know myself better than anyone knows
me- and decided to skip going to a psychologist *phew*
Because I decided I would figure it out for myself I jumped into
'questioning myself' without looking first on 'testing the water'
and ended up getting a few emotional bruises and scrapes.
I was quite scared at first, when I started learning that otherkin
existed I became terrified. Suddenly I was aware that the emotions and
urges I was going through was concidered 'normal' to Otherkin.
But even though I could read more about kinness and even talk to
others like me, I was truly alone...I had no trusting friends to talk
to about it in my city and family was certainly out of the question.
So at night when I began to relax my tense mind I would have the
desire to 'run'. I wouldn't know where and why but all I wanted to do
was to rip my clothes off and run outside and I knew it would
feel better.
My mind would rush and through some little tiny restraint (that was
barely hanging on, I might add) I would hold back...
"You will be arrested for public nudity" I told myself and that would
hold me for a while.
The worst part of it for me was if I gave my 'beast-side' (how I
loosely thought of it) a little slack, it would try to take a mile!
(or two)
Through meditations and giving in to my feelings -in a controlled
setting/environment as much as was possible- I managed to calm my
feelings and learn to work with them.
I never really connected my dreams or visions with my kin side(s)
until I started reading about it from other people on the Internet.
In fact, the more I read about them, the more I could understand myself!
I even learned that some kin would have memories years/decades before they
were awakened to their other sides.
Some would have a connection to the type of animal that they were
even as kids. I had also found that I too had the 'signs' and was never
aware of it. I could finally understand certain missing pieces to my
childhood puzzle. When I was around ten I had a fascination with drawing
dragons. I would draw them on any paper I could find, even smiling ones on
school test papers!
(probably not good in a catholic elementary school *shrugs*)
And from birth I LOVED dinosaurs! Forget the barbie-dolls, it was
Transformers and T-rex's!
*wonders how many otherkin used to (or still do) play with transformers*
My favorite dinosaurs were meat-eaters (though I disliked the Tyranosaurus
'cause of its tiny arms) but I always carried a Diploducous with me
(plant-eater with long neck and tail) and I disliked the rounded back.
As a kid,(5 years and younger) I figured it should of had something like
ridges or spikes (could I have been subconsciously remembering that there
should of been wings?).
My collection of dinosaurs was enourmous and even though my parents kept
'evil' stuff like dragons away from me...I still was able to 'connect'
to a side that I wasen't even consciously aware of then.
Now that I am consciously aware and have been for over three years
(seems so short when you think of it). I have learned soo much and always
have this desire in my heart to learn more. Some of my friends in my city
know what I am -or part of- and some still think it's a phase *giggles*
and I let them think that's all it is.
Still others only have a clue and I will let them believe what they want
to. My mate, Gold, knows me about as much as I know myself and sometimes
he knows me better! He's the only other otherkin(:P) that I trust 110%.
Right now I would not dare to tell a mundane about my reality;
They might be scared, or worse, jealous!
And I don't think I could imagine if a psychologist knew what I was and
told my family (or vica versa, not that it would matter anyways).
I would probably be sent off to the looney-bin!!
No, you see, my reality, my kin-reality is as real as the computer in
front of you and (spiritually speaking) a lot more.
And I wouldn't have it any other way!
I believe!!!

Urytevaera
July 22, 2002
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