Revealing Identities...To Tell or Not to Tell. -By Urytevaera
If you haven’t already experienced it, there will be a time in your life when you have a moderate grasp of your inner workings; when you are finally starting to figure
out what you really are, or at least, might be for now.
When this happens, a question will start surfacing in your mind,
“Should I tell everyone what I really am?”
Before you go and spread the word about your ‘old’ found identity check out my
experiences on the topic below. Please also keep in mind that everyone is
unique, has different families, friends, you may live in a different country
than me, and there will be many social differences as well such as politics,
religion and other influences. So my personal experiences below might not reflect
yours exactly. It may however, give you a ‘heads up’ on what COULD happen.
Here’s my warning:
I haven’t experienced everything you will read below personally, but I have
talked to others, friends in and out of the community or seen such horrible
moment’s surface. I assume you are an adult and possibly understand some
psychology before you read this:
“So what is your opinion is it safe to tell or not? Why?”
In my personal experience telling people who you are in your heart is usually a
bad idea. As for why, well for starters this world has mainly humans living in it as
sentient beings. I have not read anything about any physical beings other
than humans hanging around, say with pointed ears or flapping wings.
If they were around I am sure it would be on the news that “Dragon collides
with airplane.” and I am not talking about those creative newspapers either.
“Why can’t I tell humans? Won’t they believe me?”
It isn’t just humans but all races on this world are highly skeptic; they have to
see to believe. It is a good security measure to look before leaping for you
might fall into a pit of fire when you could have sworn the guy said “flowers.”
And you can thank Darwin for pointing this fact out.
So unless you can prove to them physically that you are what you say you are don’t
expect them to believe you. If you can, though you might want to be careful who
you tell; you don’t want to be abducted and turned into a lab rat by some secret
scientists for the government or wherever.
If you do decide to tell someone, the next thought is who you would want to tell…
“What about my parents?”
Assuming you are already an adult I would say that this is generally a bad Idea.
Parents usually like their children to be good and fit into the ‘norm’, perhaps
even being a doctor, president, or at the very least, an astronaut. Most don’t
appreciate hearing how their little child (you can be 30 and still be called a
child by a parent) who is really a ‘dragon’ (or whatever the title) in spirit.
Most parents aren’t up-to-date on the proper ‘dragon’ definition so most would see
them as the type that eats maidens, razes villages with devilish fires, and is
an ugly, scaly thing in need of a good slaying.
More often than not when a parent hears their ‘child’ is a (Kin race) they think
their child is seeking attention because they have too much stress in their life.
Hence, why learning some psychology and understanding escapism comes in
handy. So what do parents do? Most will try to smother their child with so much
love that they HAVE to accept (even if it isn’t true) their real human spirit,
OR ELSE. And it is possible for parents to use worse tactics.
“Tactics? What do you mean?”
Thankfully my parents never used this tactic; have you ever heard about the poor kid
whose parents told EVERYONE that they wet the bed? Well, some parents think if
they tell everyone they can shame their kid so he or she will just
stop ‘misbehaving’. It is a crude tactic, but not unknown, and encourages a
lot of psychological pain.
Another nasty tactic is a parent’s ability to send their child into the psychiatric
ward for such a silly reason.
Of course if you are an adult this tactic is hard for them to use, since it is usually
your decision to commit yourself.
If you were under 18(or whatever the ‘adult’ age is in your area), you would have no
way out of it. The reason why this tactic is possible because sometimes the search for
the soul is so, well, ‘crazy’ for no better words, that the doctors just might
believe your parents. And who knows, in that time of soul-searching you are
quite vulnerable, holistically I imagine. So you begin to wonder if you really ARE
insane. And then the thought of just staying a night in the hospital sounds like a
Of course whether you choose to admit yourself is up to you, perhaps family, and even
a well-meaning friend. In some areas of the world friends can admit you. It is not
my place to tell you if you need help from a doctor and each situation is different;
please don’t ask me.
“My parents wouldn’t do that, how do I know if they will be supportive though?”
If you can visit your parents with a complete body tattoo, a multi-face piercing (with
chains) and perhaps a new same-sex girl/boyfriend, and you could walk in without
them flinching or even sighing (instead with open arms) then, quite possibly you
could tell them without fear. If you have those parents, good for you! I am sure
many of us envy you. :)
“What about close or distant family like siblings or cousins?”
Close family should be treated in the same way as parents. Why? Siblings will usually
tell their parents; even if it is your deep personal matters. It sucks, but it
For distant family, I would say it’s a bad idea. You don’t always visit your Aunt
Millie and why would you want to tell her anyways? Perhaps you have an introspective
cousin with thoughts like you but isn’t Otherkin or aware of such things. It is
better to not tell him or her. In my experience if you tell one cousin anything,
the rest will know in about 2 days. And if they know, in about a week or two the
whole family will. A month later your Aunt from 5 states away will be calling you
and saying “So, you’re crazy huh? Well there’s always one in the family..”
Cousins tend to treat each other like siblings when it comes to gossip. They share all
and hope for the ‘juciest’ stories that they can tell family, if not now, then at
the reunions. It isn’t true for every family but it occurs more often than not.
“I rarely see my distant relatives, what’s so bad about telling one?”
Because they barely get a chance to see you they don’t know much about you and your
way of life. Most relatives also assume that they can jab in a few quick comments,
cynical or not just because they are blood related.
So the last thing you want is an unexpected and awkward encounter; you definitely
don’t want a distant cousin to suddenly toast you on your wedding or graduation
with a quick “And to the dragons for their contribution!”
You’ll be the one everyone stares at, especially if they say “Well, he told me he
was a dragon, I was only trying to make him feel more comfortable.”
“Okay, so what about friends then?”
This is usually an easier decision to make but sometimes things can be tricky.
You have to ask yourself: Who do you tell? All your friends? Or only your really,
really, closest, best bud? And then what is your motive for telling them? Do you
want openness? or an ego-trip? Will they laugh at you or avoid you? Will they accept
you with open arms?
“Did you ever tell a good friend and it turned out bad?”
I have one friend that I told about 5 years back. He listened patiently to me but
after that night if I brought up the topic again he just switched topics as
quickly as a bat out of hell. We’re still good friends but his silence has
told me that he respects who I am, won’t tell anyone, but doesn’t want to talk about it.
Good enough for me so I won’t press him on the subject.
“What has made you NOT tell a person?”
Another friend I have is really interested in past-lives; she’s even read books on
the topic, and I believe has every darn Sylvia Browning book ever made. To those
that don’t know me I have never read one of her books, and I don’t intend to.
Nothing against her personally, I personally just don’t like the feel of her books.
Though I am sure she’s a great writer. My friend certainly thinks she is awesome.
Anyways, even though my friend is big-into past lives and such, telling her what I am
doesn’t feel appropriate. It just doesn’t ‘feel right’ in my heart. I tested her
once with a small little book that talked about being from other worlds, angels,
and even faeries. It was mostly fluff and hope-filled dreams for a perfect world but
it was the closest thing to a Kin book at the time. She read it but seemed put
off by the thought of a non-human past life.
My answer revealed, I never told her. We are still great friends.
“How about my partner? Should I tell the person I love?”
Another touchy subject is boy/girl/friends or your husband/wife.
If it is the former, it may turn ugly if you two break up and he/she decides to tell all
your friends AND enemies, no matter the fact that they might be a kin themselves!
For some reason they can dance around that topic. *shrugs*
Husbands/Wives have a better time dealing with the whole topic, probably because
they’ve sworn to ‘for better or worse’ and accept the oddness of their mate.
Some suddenly exclaim “It makes so much sense!” and others, well, they might
not like finding out that their mate is something other than human (or they might just
pass it off as insanity) either way, I put them in the category of old boy/girl
friends; they might betray you for custody of your kids or more property if
they can pass you off as insane.
“Did you ever tell a boyfriend and things went bad? How did you cope?”
I have told a person I really liked when I was younger who broke up with me later
(for different reasons). Though he did tell everyone he knew about what I believed.
Though he was already marked as ‘crazy’ due to his own outward eccentricness
(yes I know I made up that word). So they dismissed this person’s words as a plea
for attention and nobody questioned me.
“What about religious people? My heritage? Or even politics?”
These topics can make mattes worse; when these are in the mix they almost always
make for a rather dangerous outcome. Trust your heart and be cautious, when in
doubt, don’t tell.
“Have you told at least one of your friends (not online either) and had a
Yes, I have told 2 people and they are both Otherkin.
One is a Kin Elf and I am thankful for his friendship and understanding.
His patience and peace have taught me how to stay calm in this hectic world.
The other is a Kin Dragon and eventually became my mate. To those who don’t know,
this would be Gold :)
He of course accepted me with open wings, and I never regret telling either of them.
“So from your experience, who would you suggest I tell?”
Tell another Kin who is already awakened, tell anyone online, just make sure they
don’t know who you are and that you don’t care if they try to back-stab you.
That way, you will never have to worry about the possibility that you might lose
your job, be branded as the devil by your church, laughed at annually at family
gatherings, and/or constantly belittled by your parents.
Of course this is a rather dark warning, but it is the truth. Just be careful and
follow your heart, make sure you know as much as you can about the possibilities;
try to look 3 days, months, or even years ahead.
Will this person continue to love you and support you? Will they belittle you?
If it doesn’t feel right, don’t tell them. Wait another day and see when.
Test them if you can with harmless questions like these:
“What do you feel about mythical fairies and goblins? Did you ever read about
them when you were a kid?”
“Did you like The Lord of the Rings Movie?”
“What do you think about past lives (or ghosts)?”
Even these questions can bring about a few strong opinions and religion or heritage
might pop up. Be wary.
As I said above, follow your heart. It will always lead you in the right place for you.
May you have the best of luck and always remember: You don’t really have to tell
anyone who you are in your heart. Some beings enjoy not telling anyone, keeping
their secret and building up their own energy privately.
Your choice, I wish you well. :)
Copyright © August 27, 2004 Urytevaera
Any questions? please email us at: Wingedwatchers@yahoo.ca
This site © wingedwatchers, 2001
Made: July 9, 2001